The dad parade will journey from State College to Pittsburgh this Saturday on roads well traveled by us all. This is the reverse of the journey dad made in 1953 from Blairsville to points east on his way to make his mark on the world. He will go past Blairsville where he met the love of his life, the Windmill where he and mom had their wedding breakfast- Carbones where fights over the check at big family gatherings were legendary, Deans Diner and several golf courses where the real stories stay with the players- as they should.
No chariots were available on short notice so an ambulance was the next best thing. Tim and I will follow him absorbing all the memories as we pass. Dad is on his way to Forbes Hospice- address is 115 South Neville Street/ 15213. It's a wonderful place that is down the road from Tim and my house, on the bus route home from school for Sam, through a tunnel for Teri and Tom and an easier plane ride for everyone else. We are expecting a "pile of cousins" to use John Robert's expression this weekend and are so grateful for the emotional reinforcements. Most thankful to cousin Teri for guiding us through this difficult decision with her usual wisdom and heart. Today is a sad day dad is diminished but we reach to find the many reasons to celebrate how blessed we continue to be.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
"Joe Tocci appreciation night everywhere"
There was not a lot new to report for the blog today. Dad spent most of the day sleeping, waking for extended periods only during meal times, and today only for breakfast and supper. He was given a transfusion to rejuvenate his platelets as his counts were getting too low.
Dad received a letter the other day which truly reflects the way he has touched the lives of those around him and I would like to share just a few parts of it. The letter was written by one of the young men dad touched in his life, and although this is one man's story, I believe it could easily have also come from hundreds of others who would reflect the same experiences and emotions. As I have not asked the author for permission to publish this letter, he will remain nameless.
"Dear Joe
….Joe Tocci, my first soccer coach, my basketball coach and my baseball coach. Welcome to senior high school, I will lead you through.
From the very first time you spoke to me, even before high school, your opinion mattered. "Nice game!" you said to me after a small fry basketball game. I never forgot that. ….
I expect there have been "Joe Tocci" Appreciation nights wherever you've been and left or retired. I would have led the applause and been proud to have been one of your disciples. I even spent one season as a basketball coach during my final year of teaching. What'll I do?? Only what I remember Joe Tocci did with me and many of my friends that experienced successful careers emulating what you taught us. ……
…. Your faith in me at age 14 strengthened me for life.
God Bless you Joe Tocci. YOU MATTERED!"
Dad received a letter the other day which truly reflects the way he has touched the lives of those around him and I would like to share just a few parts of it. The letter was written by one of the young men dad touched in his life, and although this is one man's story, I believe it could easily have also come from hundreds of others who would reflect the same experiences and emotions. As I have not asked the author for permission to publish this letter, he will remain nameless.
"Dear Joe
….Joe Tocci, my first soccer coach, my basketball coach and my baseball coach. Welcome to senior high school, I will lead you through.
From the very first time you spoke to me, even before high school, your opinion mattered. "Nice game!" you said to me after a small fry basketball game. I never forgot that. ….
I expect there have been "Joe Tocci" Appreciation nights wherever you've been and left or retired. I would have led the applause and been proud to have been one of your disciples. I even spent one season as a basketball coach during my final year of teaching. What'll I do?? Only what I remember Joe Tocci did with me and many of my friends that experienced successful careers emulating what you taught us. ……
…. Your faith in me at age 14 strengthened me for life.
God Bless you Joe Tocci. YOU MATTERED!"
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The fraternity caper
Good evening friends and family.
I am learning that every day now can bring surprises. As you all who have been following this blog are aware, those surprises can be ones that bring either tears of joy or tears of sadness, and sometimes both.
MJ wrote yesterday of the tough development of the last several days. Thankfully today we had a better day. With a full day and a half of IV fluids under his belt and and his blood sugar better under control and his UTI being treated, he was able to bounce back a bit today.
He ate 3 good meals today, better than he has eaten in more than a week, and I was able to have good conversations with him during those meal times. Right after lunch today, I asked him if he wanted to go through his mail which I brought up to the hospital with me. Since he did not have his 60 year old letter opener which he always uses to open his mail, he asked if I would open the envelopes for him. Of course being the dutiful (and trusting) son, I readily agreed to help out. After we finished going through all of his mail, half of which was junk mail and the other half bills, he informed me that who ever opens a bill is responsible for paying that bill.
Needless to say, tomorrow I will be bringing the letter opener to the hospital with me, and I will not be opening any more of his mail.
And now for one more short blast from the past.
Back during his college basketball days, the team had to practice at 6 pm, and therefore had their dinner at 4 pm. After a couple hours of practice, as you can imagine, he would come back to the Frat house pretty hungry. It was his habit upon returning to check to see if there was anything left over in the kitchen for a snack before going to bed. One evening he Lou Lamie and John Morgan found a treasure upon their return from practice. In the kitchen was a whole roast beef, estimated to be around 6 lb., still warm fin the oven. The three of them polished off the whole thing in one sitting.
The next afternoon at lunch, there was a delay in the food being served. After a short while, the cook came out to make an announcement.
"Todays lunch menu has been changed. Lunch today will now be gravy bread, as the roast we had planned on serving has gone missing."
Thanks today for the visits from local State College friends, and thanks to all for your prayers and well wishes.
I am learning that every day now can bring surprises. As you all who have been following this blog are aware, those surprises can be ones that bring either tears of joy or tears of sadness, and sometimes both.
MJ wrote yesterday of the tough development of the last several days. Thankfully today we had a better day. With a full day and a half of IV fluids under his belt and and his blood sugar better under control and his UTI being treated, he was able to bounce back a bit today.
He ate 3 good meals today, better than he has eaten in more than a week, and I was able to have good conversations with him during those meal times. Right after lunch today, I asked him if he wanted to go through his mail which I brought up to the hospital with me. Since he did not have his 60 year old letter opener which he always uses to open his mail, he asked if I would open the envelopes for him. Of course being the dutiful (and trusting) son, I readily agreed to help out. After we finished going through all of his mail, half of which was junk mail and the other half bills, he informed me that who ever opens a bill is responsible for paying that bill.
Needless to say, tomorrow I will be bringing the letter opener to the hospital with me, and I will not be opening any more of his mail.
And now for one more short blast from the past.
Back during his college basketball days, the team had to practice at 6 pm, and therefore had their dinner at 4 pm. After a couple hours of practice, as you can imagine, he would come back to the Frat house pretty hungry. It was his habit upon returning to check to see if there was anything left over in the kitchen for a snack before going to bed. One evening he Lou Lamie and John Morgan found a treasure upon their return from practice. In the kitchen was a whole roast beef, estimated to be around 6 lb., still warm fin the oven. The three of them polished off the whole thing in one sitting.
The next afternoon at lunch, there was a delay in the food being served. After a short while, the cook came out to make an announcement.
"Todays lunch menu has been changed. Lunch today will now be gravy bread, as the roast we had planned on serving has gone missing."
Thanks today for the visits from local State College friends, and thanks to all for your prayers and well wishes.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Dad is failing fast; the cousins are coming
Right now: Dad is in the hospital in room 204 of Mount Nittany Hospital- room phone is 814-231-7205. Tim is with him and dad has been mostly sleeping since Tim arrived this afternoon. No news yet on when he will be discharged.
Dad began to deteriorate last Thursday and by Sunday he was so weak that he needed mom's wheelchair to get to the bathroom. He was very confused and had developed a Parkinson like shake to his hands. Turns out that he had a very elevated blood sugar (from chemo etc), a UTI and he was extremely dehydrated. We pray dad will bounce back as far as this veteran hoopster can bounce these days. On the not such good news side, the doctors are telling us that dad can't go home without 24 hour care and that it's time to call in hospice. Joe, Tim, Sue, Jonathan and I will be making some decisions about his care as soon as brother Joe returns from China on Friday.
Quintessential dad: In these past few days dad has been mumbling to himself and without warning he would laugh out loud. Seemed like he had a private joke going on that was keeping him amused. As I was getting ready to leave the hospital last night, after a harrowing day, I propped up his bed and told him there would be an extra charge for this service. He didn't miss a beat and said "There's a urine sample over there- why don't you take that instead". Yes, he seems to be fading away but his humor continues to lead the charge.
Very bright moments: At the time when I needed it most- a call came from niece Michele in Spain offering international love and encouragement. Calls from Anita, Tom and Teri and visit on Sunday morning from Avis Filkins to help me through the decision to take dad to the hospital all very much appreciated. Dad reads all the cards he gets, or we read them to him and he enjoys every ounce of support he is getting.
Grandson Sam was extraordinarily devoted to his pap pap all weekend- bathed him, helped him in every way he could with an inner strength far beyond his years. Sam turned 15 today, but did some major growing up this weekend. Thanks to Sue, Jonathan and Kimberly for the constant support and to my amazing brothers for their wit and their wisdom.
We are looking forward to visits from Anita, Jamileh and David this weekend. There are some things dad just doesn't want to do anymore that concern me-like going to church or watching sports on t.v. Being with friends and family keeps him smiling.
Dad began to deteriorate last Thursday and by Sunday he was so weak that he needed mom's wheelchair to get to the bathroom. He was very confused and had developed a Parkinson like shake to his hands. Turns out that he had a very elevated blood sugar (from chemo etc), a UTI and he was extremely dehydrated. We pray dad will bounce back as far as this veteran hoopster can bounce these days. On the not such good news side, the doctors are telling us that dad can't go home without 24 hour care and that it's time to call in hospice. Joe, Tim, Sue, Jonathan and I will be making some decisions about his care as soon as brother Joe returns from China on Friday.
Quintessential dad: In these past few days dad has been mumbling to himself and without warning he would laugh out loud. Seemed like he had a private joke going on that was keeping him amused. As I was getting ready to leave the hospital last night, after a harrowing day, I propped up his bed and told him there would be an extra charge for this service. He didn't miss a beat and said "There's a urine sample over there- why don't you take that instead". Yes, he seems to be fading away but his humor continues to lead the charge.
Very bright moments: At the time when I needed it most- a call came from niece Michele in Spain offering international love and encouragement. Calls from Anita, Tom and Teri and visit on Sunday morning from Avis Filkins to help me through the decision to take dad to the hospital all very much appreciated. Dad reads all the cards he gets, or we read them to him and he enjoys every ounce of support he is getting.
Grandson Sam was extraordinarily devoted to his pap pap all weekend- bathed him, helped him in every way he could with an inner strength far beyond his years. Sam turned 15 today, but did some major growing up this weekend. Thanks to Sue, Jonathan and Kimberly for the constant support and to my amazing brothers for their wit and their wisdom.
We are looking forward to visits from Anita, Jamileh and David this weekend. There are some things dad just doesn't want to do anymore that concern me-like going to church or watching sports on t.v. Being with friends and family keeps him smiling.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Life after College
Upon birth, I was fortunate enough to solely inherit my Dad’s striking good looks and razor sharp wit. I would however in a second give it all up for half of his massive heart. The getting and giving of love in bonding family and friendships and the respect he has garnered during his rich life is remarkable.
Tuning back in to the history channel, we have had a glimpse of Dad’s spectacular career at Penn State. Upon graduation as a Physical Education Major and history Minor, he was asked to coach the PSU Freshman Team. Shortly thereafter due to the Korean War, enrollment in the sports programs waned. With just a JV and Varsity squad surviving, Dad had to look for employment elseware, which lead him to a Head Coaching and teaching job in Blairsville, and unbenounced to him right into the heart of Asper country. These two years in Blairsville would change his life forever.
One fine day, while visiting a local establishment, which some refer to as a luncheonette and others a saloon; he was introduced to a fellow by the name of Mickey Asper, a warm, intelligent and outgoing member of the feared Asper clan. As the only son of 7, Mickey’s responsibility was to take care of his 6 sisters.
Being an engineer, Mickey had done the math and determined that since 3 of the sisters were already married, if he could get one more out of the house it would mean 30% more shunk & eggs and his own room, even if in the basement. Anne and Lena spent a considerable amount of time cooking, cleaning, and keeping up the house. Then there was that young pretty one Dolores, who danced and played volleyball all day. “Yes, as much as I love my youngest sister, this one is expendable” he thought to himself while scooping up undercooked fried egg yolks with Syrian Bread and analyzing the racing forms. Sister Helen had just given birth of John Robert, and this was the perfect opportunity to get the unsuspecting new basketball coach over the house. Dolores and Joe’s eyes met, sparks flew, and shortly after that the two were married.
The exact circumstances surrounding the timing of the first child are not completely clear. Daughter MJ was born inside of the normal human gestation period. Some of the more pious family members considered Immaculate Conception, but after meeting MJ this was quickly ruled out in favor of spontaneous combustion or the more traditional Big Bang theory.
Shortly after MJ’s birth, Dad was invited to take a coaching job in the booming metropolis of Mansfield PA. Upon the conclusion of intense negotiations, his wife agreed to accompany him. They also decided to bring MJ.
Shortly after, while living in an apartment, their dreams came true. Son Joey was born.
As the family could not afford a bassinet for their newest and most precious son, a neighbor loaned the family a rolling Toolbox which provided a comfortable tray on top and afforded easy locking and storage when no sitter was available. As a result at a young age this charming and intelligent boy showed above average maturity and inclination towards the accumulation of hand tools. Many of those tools were voluntarily donated from his father’s collection.
A few years later, another child appeared in the apartment. There does not seem to be any photographic evidence of Dolores carrying this child, and he immediately was slotted into one of the bunk beds, since at 6 months old he was 5’4”. The new addition completely disrupted the family, and required a move to the fist Tocci home in the suburbs 500 yards out of town on the base of Pickle Hill.
Coming attractions…those fab five players from Mansfield High…
Tuning back in to the history channel, we have had a glimpse of Dad’s spectacular career at Penn State. Upon graduation as a Physical Education Major and history Minor, he was asked to coach the PSU Freshman Team. Shortly thereafter due to the Korean War, enrollment in the sports programs waned. With just a JV and Varsity squad surviving, Dad had to look for employment elseware, which lead him to a Head Coaching and teaching job in Blairsville, and unbenounced to him right into the heart of Asper country. These two years in Blairsville would change his life forever.
One fine day, while visiting a local establishment, which some refer to as a luncheonette and others a saloon; he was introduced to a fellow by the name of Mickey Asper, a warm, intelligent and outgoing member of the feared Asper clan. As the only son of 7, Mickey’s responsibility was to take care of his 6 sisters.
Being an engineer, Mickey had done the math and determined that since 3 of the sisters were already married, if he could get one more out of the house it would mean 30% more shunk & eggs and his own room, even if in the basement. Anne and Lena spent a considerable amount of time cooking, cleaning, and keeping up the house. Then there was that young pretty one Dolores, who danced and played volleyball all day. “Yes, as much as I love my youngest sister, this one is expendable” he thought to himself while scooping up undercooked fried egg yolks with Syrian Bread and analyzing the racing forms. Sister Helen had just given birth of John Robert, and this was the perfect opportunity to get the unsuspecting new basketball coach over the house. Dolores and Joe’s eyes met, sparks flew, and shortly after that the two were married.
The exact circumstances surrounding the timing of the first child are not completely clear. Daughter MJ was born inside of the normal human gestation period. Some of the more pious family members considered Immaculate Conception, but after meeting MJ this was quickly ruled out in favor of spontaneous combustion or the more traditional Big Bang theory.
Shortly after MJ’s birth, Dad was invited to take a coaching job in the booming metropolis of Mansfield PA. Upon the conclusion of intense negotiations, his wife agreed to accompany him. They also decided to bring MJ.
Shortly after, while living in an apartment, their dreams came true. Son Joey was born.
As the family could not afford a bassinet for their newest and most precious son, a neighbor loaned the family a rolling Toolbox which provided a comfortable tray on top and afforded easy locking and storage when no sitter was available. As a result at a young age this charming and intelligent boy showed above average maturity and inclination towards the accumulation of hand tools. Many of those tools were voluntarily donated from his father’s collection.
A few years later, another child appeared in the apartment. There does not seem to be any photographic evidence of Dolores carrying this child, and he immediately was slotted into one of the bunk beds, since at 6 months old he was 5’4”. The new addition completely disrupted the family, and required a move to the fist Tocci home in the suburbs 500 yards out of town on the base of Pickle Hill.
Coming attractions…those fab five players from Mansfield High…
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A True Fish Tale
Hello all. Joey here, with a special thanks to Lee Schlisler on providing some great history on their PSU playing days. For those of you that don’t know Lee and Family, they have been and continue to be great friends of the Tocci’s, as are many of the Stare college extended family. Lee is a Penn State historian and a terrific storyteller. Many times we have listened to Lee’s recollections, with wife Lois aptly listening with rolling eyes as she may have heard one or two of his stories before. Seriously though, for us they never get old.
Speaking of stories, there was once a fishing tournament held at Lee’s cabin and trained fish pond near State College. The teams were Lee and Dad, and because of my technical advantage I was given a handicap. Tim and I were partnered together.
To further equalize the competition, Lee and Dad went out on the pond in a fully outfitted Boston Whaler, with radar, fish finders and depth charges. Timmy and I were in a dugout canoe, wound hemp for line, using old fish bones as hooks.
The competition was fast and furious, with fish jumping across the bow, winds howling, lines tangling and arms straining. Into the last minutes, the tournament was tied, and just as the siren sounded, Dad hooked into a Lunker. The crowd (Lois and Dolores) were going wild as he fought the monster, with Tim and I cheering on the fish at every leap. Well Dad and Lee landed that fish, and looked at us like they just won the NCAA final 4. A photo of that moment was silk screened into T-Shirts that the Champions still wear on occasion.
More to follow…
Speaking of stories, there was once a fishing tournament held at Lee’s cabin and trained fish pond near State College. The teams were Lee and Dad, and because of my technical advantage I was given a handicap. Tim and I were partnered together.
To further equalize the competition, Lee and Dad went out on the pond in a fully outfitted Boston Whaler, with radar, fish finders and depth charges. Timmy and I were in a dugout canoe, wound hemp for line, using old fish bones as hooks.
The competition was fast and furious, with fish jumping across the bow, winds howling, lines tangling and arms straining. Into the last minutes, the tournament was tied, and just as the siren sounded, Dad hooked into a Lunker. The crowd (Lois and Dolores) were going wild as he fought the monster, with Tim and I cheering on the fish at every leap. Well Dad and Lee landed that fish, and looked at us like they just won the NCAA final 4. A photo of that moment was silk screened into T-Shirts that the Champions still wear on occasion.
More to follow…
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Radiation done and the climb is steep
Dad graduated from radiation today finishing his last treatment. Unclear whether there will be any future treatments. Radiation has left dad exhausted and somewhat confused at times. According to the oncologist, both the confusion and exhaustion may last a while and are predictable outcomes of radiation. Brother Tim has coordinated visits from the physical therapist, occupational therapist, several home health care personnel all in between doctors appointments, reading the Centre Daily Times front to back, adding safety bars to the bathroom and keeping the frig full. Somehow he has managed to get dad to eat eggs and boost for breakfast and something reasonably substantial for dinner. Don't know how he did it but we are relieved that dad is eating more. Medication to increase his appetite and stamina have been added to the long list of pill popping that is dad's daily regiment.
Brother Joe has taken care of all dad's legal affairs which involved some very difficult documents and decisions. We are all clear on dad's desires moving forward thanks to Joe and Tim's extraordinary efforts and care. We are all using this opportunity to get our affairs in order. It's amazing how easy it is to let this category of planning go. Turns out Joe and Sue's will only mentioned Catherine and "any other children". Callie, the dog, is claiming to be the only other qualifier.
Brother Joe has taken care of all dad's legal affairs which involved some very difficult documents and decisions. We are all clear on dad's desires moving forward thanks to Joe and Tim's extraordinary efforts and care. We are all using this opportunity to get our affairs in order. It's amazing how easy it is to let this category of planning go. Turns out Joe and Sue's will only mentioned Catherine and "any other children". Callie, the dog, is claiming to be the only other qualifier.
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